“The Worst Idea Ever!!!”

            Growing out my facial hair has never been something I particularly liked to do. I have always kept it shaved. Well this last week was the Guo Qing Jie or Chinese National Holiday. Adam, a group of friends, and me had traveled to Shanghai and Nanjing for the break, since there was no school that week. Adam and I were thinking it would be convenient if we didn’t shave during the week and then shave when we got back. It saved hauling around our shavers and shaving cream, which could have been a da mafan. Adam also really wanted to get an old fashion shave by the guy under a bridge in Beijing, who had previously cut Adam’s hair a week before. I thought it would be really cool as well so we decided not to bring our razors.

            So we had gone almost nine days without shaving and we both had pretty nice looking mustaches and beards coming in. You know some of us look better than others when it comes to this type of thing. But anyways so we had decided on Monday after classes we would go to the guy and have him shave us. So Monday was there and we were ready as ever to get cleaned up to go. We ate real fast and then Adam went to find Brett to borrow his bike. We headed out on our bikes and got their pretty fast. We had to wait in line a little but that gave us time to look at how well the guy was.

            There were two men under the bridge cutting hair and hair everywhere on the ground. We waited by one man who looked like he knew what he was doing. He was cutting not only the hair but shaving the guy as well, which helped us see what it would be like. The other barber actually finished up cutting up one man’s hair and then went about twenty feet off to the side and started using the bathroom in a bush. Adam and I start laughing just at the thought that this man probably won’t wash his hands before he shaves another face or cuts some more hair. And sure enough the moment he came back he put another man in the chair and started buzzing his hair. “I am so glad I am not going to have him shave me!” I think as a chill runs down my spine just at the thought of it.

            We turn our attention back to the man who is being shaved and he is ready before the barber has told him he is done. He says, “Hao le, hao le” “I’m done I’m done”. With those words the barber agrees and lets him up. The old man looks at us as if we are in for a treat; little did we know we would be. It was now our turn and Adam wanted to go first. I let him go and Adam first negotiated the price. We had discussed before that whatever the price was the man gave us, we would go with it. The last thing we wanted was a man, who was unhappy with a price he was getting for shaving us, shaving our necks with a sharp blade/knife. So the man says ¥4, and Adam says it sounds like a deal. He sits down and the man goes off to fill us the cup full of soap like stuff that he applies to the face.

The Chinese man comes back and I start taking pictures as the man puts that stuff on Adam’s face. The man then rubs his knife on a leather strap and then takes off shaving Adam’s face. Adam had already trimmed up his sideburns before coming so it was that big of a shave. The man was determined though to get every last hair off of his face. Half way through, Adam turns to me and says, “This isn’t as pleasant as I was expecting.” He had his eyes shut the whole time and didn’t move hardly at all, which appeared to me like it was rather enjoyable. The man then finished up scrapping every last grain of hair from his face, before he said, “Hao le.” “Si kuai, duibudui?” “¥4, right?” Adam asked the man. Yea he responded. Adam then says to me, “That hurt a lot more than I expected it to.” I somewhat ignored this comment knowing he was only trying to scare me.

            Then man turned his back but Adam quickly told him that I also wanted to be shaved. The man looked at me and my ruff looking beard and mustache and said, “Ok but his is ¥5.” Adam explained this to me and I complained, “Why is mine more?” “Because you have more hair then him.” He said, pointing at Adam, who was now clean shaven. Understanding this I agreed and sat down. The man went to refill his cup full of liquid and I sat there. I knew this doesn’t happen very often, having your face shaved by an old man, like in the olden days.

            The old Chinese man then comes back with his sketchy looking cup. I let him apply this watered down substance to my face until I had it well spread across my face. I then wait while he sharpens his knife on some leather thing. He is then ready and starts on the side of my face near my side burns.

            “OUCH!!!” I think. I was in pain!! This man wasn’t just cutting my facial hair; he was cutting my face too! Well Adam is looking at me now with a smug look upon his face. If he did it, I could do it too. I sit there as the man continues to cut my hair along with the top layer of my face with it. I found myself biting my teeth together to help draw the pain away from my face. After he had finished cutting one side he switched sides to the other side of my face. But while he was moving around I open my eyes to see Adam smiling at me and I say, “I am about to start crying!” which was true because I was on the verge of tears when he had that blade against my face. I start to chuckle at the thought of how bad of an idea this was and the man yells at me to stop laughing. I shut my eyes and stop laughing as he continues to remove layers of skin from the other side of my face.

            I can’t help but think back to when Adam told me much worst that was then it looked and how I hadn’t believed him. I now started to laugh about just how truthful he was and every time I thought about that and started laughing the man would yell at me to stop laughing and/or smiling. I try my hardest but this was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I sit there as he finishes cutting the rest of the hair. He does it rather fast, but then goes back onto my checks and sideburns, which were already cut, to get a closer shave on them. I sit there wondering how much more I can take of him trying to find every little stub of hair on my face. I will give him credit that he is very thorough, even if that does include him toughing my face with his nasty hands. I finally can’t take any more and I tell Adam to tell him I have had enough. “Hao le hao le!” “He is done.”

 I stand up and feel my face. It hurts even to touch but is super smooth everywhere. I pay him the ¥5 I owe him, and then he says something to Adam, pointing at me. I wonder what he is saying. Adam says, “Ohhhh” and then looks at my face. “What!?! What is the matter?” I ask. He responds he will tell me after we have left. I am now somewhat scared this man has disfigured my face. As we say our goodbyes and then get our bikes we head off. Once we are out of earshot, Adam and I start laughing so hard at how such a bad idea this was. I then ask him what the man said and Adam says the man cut my face!!!! “What!?! No you’re joking!!” I try to get a picture of it but can’t so Adam describes them as one on my check and one near my Adam’s apple. I can’t believe that crazy old man cut me! Adam then says that the Chinese man said it was because I kept laughing that the blade slipped. The thing is I wasn’t laughing when he was cutting, just when he lifted the blade from my face because that is when I finally breathed.

So we make our way back home and there we clean our faces up and put on stuff so our faces will stop burning like their on fire. I put on some stuff just so I don’t get an infection or something because that would be the worst way to end this blog post. But I am fine and content I am able to say I have been shaved oldies style, but man this was the worst idea we have yet. As Adam put it, “This was probably the worst, yea I would even say worst then wrecking the Alpine sled”, in which he ran into my backpack in a sled going down a mountain and broke his camera and Mao watch he had bought, “it was the worst idea we have ever had!”